an irreverent look at Writtle Village, Essex, its people and goings on!
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This site has been updated on December 2006


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Contents
Welcome Page

     


2006

From the Writtle PC

 



2004

History of the Bells

New Bells June Dedication

Writtle Fun Day

2003

Broadband Easter meeting


Writtle Annual Meeting

Writtle Local Elections

 Wear Pond Expansion

New Visitor to Writtle

Broadband
Writtle Update

December 2002
They don't apply to me

Italian Job

Police Presentation

Previous issues


A Lid too Far

On the Buses Update

Village Meeting

Teddy Bears
Aerial Runway

Golden Jubilee Celebrations

Residents Association Meeting



Polo Shirt Offer

 April 2002
The Queen Mother

On the buses in Writtle

 The Hunting debate

 Feb 2002
Lodge Road
Traffic Calming


Fang-id

Feedback results

Police Picture

2001 fete
Cheque Presentation


2001 Archive
 Dec 2001

Christmas Fable

Community Policing Writtle Style

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Festive Gruel 

 July

Pooper Snooper for Writtle?

Writtle Fete

All Saints Bell Appeal Barndance

Hannibal the Terrapin of Wear Pond


The Great Post Box debate Update 

Election Results

The Wheatsheaf Charity Golf Day Pictures 

 May
Writtle Parish Annual Meeting

The Great Post Box debate

The Green After the Circus

Albania Calling

Election Information

Teddies Galore!

All Saints Bell Appeal

Wheatsheaf Charity Golf Contest







 

Previous Issues
April, May

Dog Poo
and related matters


Road traffic,  
a  problem?


On Writtle pond 

Fuel Prices etc

What is Art? 

What is Philosophy?


They Don't Apply To Me.


Jimmy London, an abrasive newcomer to the village, explains his philosophy of life and why you'd better watch yourself  

Now let's get this straight: Rules & Regulations Don't Apply To Me. It's absolutely true, mate, so you'd better bend an ear.

Some examples. If I decide to ride my bike fast up Chancery Place then that's all right, because any regulations about it Don't Apply To Me. So if you're taking your kids for a walk then watch out, because I'm a big lump and if I crash into you it might do some damage, especially to the little ones. Your lookout, pal, even if you think differently.

Try this one for size. Sometimes I park my car on the double yellow lines outside the off-licence because it's convenient for Me. This might mean that the pavement is blocked and, as a pedestrian, you'll have to walk out into the road to make progress. This is double trouble if you're pushing a pram or even bowling along in your wheelchair I mean you could get badly injured. My poorly parked motor also forces traffic to move over into the oncoming carriageway, which could cause a nasty accident. I can see clearly why there are regulations against people doing this, but fortunately They Don't Apply To Me.

Bus queues are another thing. If I have to catch a bus from the village into town don't expect Me to queue behind you because I haven't got the patience to stand there while you faff about with your small change. I know there are unwritten rules that try to control this situation and its potential for aggravation, but as luck would have it They Don't Apply To Me.

When I think about it there are loads of situations where the rules Don't Apply To Me. Like going home quietly from the pub at closing time; farting in the public par of the Wheatsheaf; swearing in front of the vicar; queuing properly at the bar; parking the motor across the white lines in the Co-op's car park; taking up two seats on the train into London; chinning anyone who burns me off at the lights and murdering the unlucky sod who looks at me the wrong way in the pub.

The lesson is this: None of the rules apply to me only you. All right, mate?

 A DOCTOR WRITES: Mr London is a classically disturbed psychopath who thinks that everyone else should bend over backwards to accommodate his wishes. The thought that any decent, law-abiding citizen of Writtle would block the pavement with their car outside the pharmacy or the off-licence, for example, is monstrous. Certainly, no normal person would contemplate such a thoroughly selfish and stupid action. After all, we have a pair of legs and it isn't so far to walk, is it.

As for cycling in an irresponsible manner up Chancery Place, no one in the village would be so moronic as to do such a thing. Mr London may boast about injuring children but the rest of us are far more considerate and intelligent in our behaviour. Aren't we?

 

 
 

Village Links
www.writtlevillage.co.uk     www.writtleringers.org.uk   www.writtle-village.com
www. writtlepc.co.uk   www.wheatsheet.co.uk    www.branchline.org  
 Wheatsheaf Public House